Hell Date: Part 1..
The other day while picking up my grape Fanta & cherry Slurpee at 7-11 I met a guy and gave him my number. Now I know what you’re thinking..
WHY THE HELL WOULD I GIVE MY NUMBER TO A GUY I MET IN THE PARKING LOT OF 7-11?!?
Easy. It was kind of an experiment.
Idk why but I’ve been thinking about you know how guys always holler at girls on the street, right??
Guys drive by in cars and ask us pretty ladies if we need rides or they whistle at us or they say shit like, “Hey shorty, come ere.. lemme holla atcha..” blah, blah.. whatever..
And you know what us ladies do..
We do the stare straight ahead like you don’t exist and we didn’t hear shit. LMFAO.
Why do we do that?
They’re just guys giving us compliments. Telling us we look fly today or whatever.
Whats so wrong with that?
Why is it cool at the club or the bar but not on the street?
So, I decided to give it a shot and do something completely different and see what happens…and being somewhat newly released from an attachment I had for a min I kinda sorta haven’t really been out on any dates or anything like that in a while. I just hadn’t been feeling it yet, ya know? And of course now that I kinda feel like I wanna go out with a dude no one’s asked me out. lolz. Totally typical. Hahaa.
So, I said fuck it and went out with the first fool that asked me. Hahaaaa.
(Yes, that shit really happens. That’s why you should always just ask whatever bitch out that you want. Even if you think she’ll say no. You never know. She might surprise you. She just might say yes.)
So, (we’ll call him DeLame) DeLame pulled up on me with his boy while I was leaving 7-11. He gave me the typical compliments that guys give when they try to holler at girls on the street.
“Damn, baby you so fine.” “Lemme holler at you for min.” “Whatchew doin’ later?” “Lemme get your number..”
And he really wasn’t cute. lol. He was kind of a goofy looking dude. But I’ve gone out with a lot of guys that I didn’t necessarily think were attractive until after I got to know them so I don’t ever go by looks.
Think, a James Harden’s broke down brother..
Anyways. So I gave him my number and he said he’d call me later.
I was wearing my Gasol jersey that day so when DeLame called me up later he asked me if I wanted to watch the game somewhere. I said sure and told him to find a place. Later DeLame hits me up and is wanting to come watch the game at my place. lol. Yeah, right.
First off, IDK if I’m the only girl that’s like this.. Maybe I’m a weirdo but I don’t just let any guy come over to my place.
That’s an earned privilege. I think most young single women are pretty cautious about the men they let come into their homes. There’s a lot of weirdos in the world and in my case this weirdness gets taken to another level because I stick stuff in my culo on camera for money. Hahaaa.
His next solution was for me to come over to his place.. That was also a nogo. I’m not trying to get L.A. style Patrick Bateman’d before I get the opportunity to meet Drake. No. So, I also nogo’d that. DeLame’s next solution was to take me to Big Wangs to watch the game.
He said he “knew” some of the waitresses and that he could get “free drinks”.
RED FLAG: LADIES IF A GUY YOU GO OUT ON A DATE WITH OPENLY TELLS YOU HE’S ONLY TAKING YOU TO PLACES THAT HE GETS FREE DRINKS AND SHIT AT.. RUN.
By this point I was high AF and plainly told him so and that I really just wasn’t feeling it anymore.
He asked me if I’d go out with him later like after the game. He said he wanted to take me to like a bar or lounge or club or something. I told him no club but I’m down. He said ok and that he’d pick me up at 9PM.
SO, around 9ish this fool txt me and said he was at my place. I went outside and he wasn’t there. I waited a minute and a half and then I walked back into my house to smoke my blunt. lol. I’m not about doing that waiting on the street for some guy shit. NO. I’m sorry. lol. I don’t do that. Not unless you’re Marky Mark.
After a couple txts and a phone call this guy accused me of giving him the wrong address and blah, blah..
I was like, “Look Christopher Columbus, it’s not that difficult. I gave you the address and the cross streets. Don’t you have navigation?”..
He still insisted that I gave him the wrong address. Which I didn’t.
RED FLAG: LADIES, ANY GUY THAT IS ASKING YOU OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME SHOULD NOT BE ACCUSING YOU OR PLACING BLAME ON YOU FOR ANYTHING. WHO DOES THAT? YOU ASKED ME FOR MY NUMBER. YOU’RE TRYING TO GET IN MY PANTS. ALL SMOOTH MF’S KNOW THIS?
*ALSO* IF A GUY CAN’T FIND YOUR LOCATION AND YOU GAVE HIM THE ADDRESS AND CROSS STREETS, (UNLESS YOU LIVE IN THE HILLS OFF STREETS THAT DON’T EXIST ON NAVIGATION) YOU NEED TO RUN.
DO YOU REALLY WANNA GO ANYWHERE WITH A GUY THAT HAS NO SENSE OF DIRECTION? FOR ME THIS IS KEY. NO SENSE OF DIRECTION ON THE ROAD MEANS NO SENSE OF DIRECTION IN LIFE.
So this guy finally arrives and I hit the blunt a few more times to make him wait a min, just cuz I felt like being that bitch. Haahaaa..
When I walked up to his car, he did not get out, he did not open the door, nada. LOL. Not like there was a chance in hell that he was gunna get in my panties that night or ever, but if there was a chance, I’ma tell you right now.. walking ahead of me, not opening my doors, no chivalry means you do NOT pass go, you do NOT get a blow j, NO PUSSY FOR YOU.
RED FLAG: LADIES, IDGAF.. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I DID NOT BURN MY BRA OR NONE OF THAT SHIT. I EXPECT DOORS OPENED AND ALL THAT SHIT. WHORE OR NOT. I’M STILL A LADY AND YOU KNOW AND I KNOW REGARDLESS THEY STILL WANT THAT POON SO THEY SHOULD ACT LIKE IT.. AT LEAST UNTIL THEY GET IT.
This guy drives around the block and pulls into a gas station.. Here I thought he had to get gas and I asked him where we were going. He said Hollywood.. listed off a couple spots and then he said “You got weed, you smell like weed?”, I was like “Yeah, I always have some”. He was like “Let’s smoke”, I said “Cool, lets smoke. Where’s your blunt?”…
And then he did the unthinkable..
My stoner ladies, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT…
This fool said, “I don’t have any weed”.
I looked at him dead in the eye and I said, “Tell me you are seriously not asking to smoke MY weed right now. What do you mean you don’t have any weed?”
Then, it gets better..
This MF seriously turned to the back seat and said, “Do you have any weed?”..
At which point I turned around and BAM! There I see the same homeboy he had rolled up on me with in the parking lot of 7-11.
I could not contain my laughter. Here I am in the car with this fool and he had seriously brought his homeboy with him and didn’t even tell me!
WHO DOES THAT?!
And he didn’t even tell me he was in the car!
First let me speak on the weed situation…
RED FLAG: ANY GUY THAT ASKS YOU OUT AND DOES NOT BRING THEIR OWN WEED FOR YOU TO SMOKE IS A LOSER.
NOW, I’VE GONE OUT WITH GUYS THAT DON’T SMOKE AND THATS COOL, BUT THEN AGAIN THEY AREN’T ASKING TO SMOKE MY WEED EITHER.
IF YOU GO OUT WITH A GUY AND HE KNOWS YOU SMOKE AND HE SMOKES TOO AND HE DOES NOT PULL UP IN THE WHIP WITH A BLUNT OR JOINT OR WHATEVER ALREADY ROLLED AND READY FOR YOU TO LIGHT UP, HE IS A LOSER. JUST SAYIN’
[Side Note: One time this guy asked me out and when I finally accepted to go smoke with him at his place after a couple weeks of hounding, I showed up and this fool had NO WEED, NO BLUNTS, not even a pipe with some resin in it. Hahaaaa! I was like, what the hell kinda game is that?! Boys are funny.]
Now, lemme speak on his homeboy in the back seat…
QUESTION: WHO DOES THAT?! WHO TAKES THEIR HOMEBOY WITH THEM ON A DATE???
ANSWER: A LOSER.
So, now at this point (like as if it wasn’t already apparent), I knew this was a NOGO type of situation. And I told this guy, “Look, I think I’m just gunna stay home tonight. I can already tell this is not a friendship that is gunna blossom into anything other than irritation. Let’s just call it a night.”
The look on his face was hilarious. He seriously said, “Why?”
So, I made a choice.. I decided to sacrifice my night of dolo pot smoking & Bait Car watching so I could see what this guy’s big plan was for me that night and at the very least this is gunna make for a great blog.
And so far it has.
PART II: IS THIS GUY REALLY TAKING ME TO SADDLE RANCH RIGHT NOW & THE ESCAPE…
Yeah, I’mma make you wait for the rest. Hahaaaa.